In All That is Good and Right and Just, Love Makes Sense Preached at the Marriage of Rowan Williams and Marty Haug 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 August 9, 2003 The Rev. Elizabeth H. Wheatley Church of the Resurrection, Starkville, Mississippi Yesterday at the wedding rehearsal we heard the profound, concise and poetic words of a dearly beloved friend, words which I thought wonderfully appropriate to share with all of you. In brief, she captured the essence of what it is we are gathering here today to celebrate with Rowan and Marty in the sacrament of marriage. She grasped the crux of what it is we are called to do, each of us, in our own unique way this day and everyday. Abbreviating the Gospel calling, Julia Heard, the poet laureate of the rehearsal, proclaimed, "You're supposed to love each other." That about says it all, with precision, with simplicity, and with a glimmer of knowing, "You're supposed to love each other." Now, as tempting as it might be to let those words speak for themselves, especially in light of the fact that we are gathered on this joyous occasion and would all rather not enter into things that are too heavy or potentially painful, we all know that there is nothing simple nor precise about the Gospel proclamation. And it becomes even more nebulous when we get down to the particulars of how two distinctive people strive to enter into the fullness of what it means to love each other. It is all too easy to hear the passage from 1st Corinthians and let it wash over us like a familiar blanket without really paying attention to the complexities and challenges set forth. Listen, again, carefully…. Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." How difficult it is to trust in love when we live in a world that is ruled by human fears and manipulation or to remain patient and kind when the urgency of your life's work is at hand or a child's life is endangered. And how do you refrain from jealousy and resentment when your very being, your perceived identity, comes into question, when you are forced to choose between your career and your family and you find your life's passions at odds with one another? How phenomenally impossible it seems to maintain a sense of humility in the midst of a disagreement when you are certain that you are right and the temptation to boast and flaunt your righteousness is right there; boasting and pride are palpable. And when you do find yourself holding the short straw, how do you admit defeat without expressing some degree of irritability and disdain, without stomping out on the relationship. What does it mean to bear all things, to believe all things, to hope all things, to endure all things? All things. The list of potential things that any one of us would have difficulty bearing, believing, hoping and enduring cannot begin to be enumerated. And in our "throw-away" society - a world in which everything is temporary, disposable, and provisional, even people - it is hardly conceivable that anything could have no end, even love. And, yet, "You're supposed to love each other"; and there is nothing obsolete or trite or even debatable about the value, the significance, the power of love. Perhaps it is because we know the unique, complex, and fragile nature of love, human love, that we set aside this time and space - this sacred time and sacred space - to witness, to uphold and to honor love. And we honor love not as a mushy, feel good, juvenile experience, but as a serious, fully-aware, life-promoting, mature commitment between two people - a commitment to an ideal, a commitment to something bigger than themselves as individuals, a commitment to strive in all they are, in all they say, and in all they do truly to love each other. Perhaps it is because there is nothing simple nor mundane about love that we set aside a special service to acknowledge the beauty and the holiness of love. Thank you, Rowan and Marty. Thank you for inviting us into this sacred time and space so that we, each of us, might participate in something greater than ourselves and so that we, each of us, all of us, might be lifted up by this sacramental experience to enter more fully into what it means truly to love each other. In a little while, we will offer a set of prayers and in one of those prayers we will pray that God will "Make (your) life together a sign of Christ's love to this sinful and broken world, that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt, and joy conquer despair" (p. 429, BCP). It is a high and lofty prayer and it is a powerful endeavor. We thank you for answering the call to love, for entering with careful intention and heartfelt passion into the mystery of the sacrament of marriage, for stepping up in full view of God and all the people to be a sign for us, a sign for the world, a sign of Christ's love - a sign of patience, a sign of humility, a sign of trust, a sign of peace, a sign of endearment, a sign of endurance, a sign of hope, a sign of love. And when you reach a point (and you will reach that point in time) when you grow weary and fearful about your ability to honor and keep the promises and vows you make, rest assured that you are not alone. You are not expected to go it alone. God is with you. Christ is with you. We are with you. We have made a commitment, too - a commitment to uphold you in your marriage, a commitment to take seriously your life together, a commitment to stand in solidarity with you in your commitment truly to love each other. Whether you realized it or not, that is why you gathered us here with you today not only to celebrate but to make a commitment to support and nurture you. Gathered in our midst are many who have made commitments to love each other and have experienced varying degrees of success and failure, those who know the realities of the risks involved - the challenge, the pain, the fear of rejection and loss, the potential for cynicism and despair - and those who know the realities of the gifts offered and received in marriage - the fulfillment of mutual affection, the grace of forgiveness, the honor and responsibility of bringing new life into the world, and the depth of peace and joy experienced in sharing a common life, being wholly united with another. Rowan and Marty, you have invited this gathered community together with the wealth wisdom, the riches of experience, and by the grace of God to live more fully into loving each other by committing ourselves to you. As you embark on your common life as husband and wife, know that we are here with careful intention and heartfelt passion, too, to witness you being made into a sign of Christ's love AND to be a mirror to reflect Christ's love back to you. Again, remember that "You're supposed to love each other" not because it's easy and not because it just makes you feel good, but because in the big scheme of things, in the realm of all that is good and just and holy, as your friend's so aptly reminded us last night, "It makes sense." Love makes life and all its joys and sorrows make sense. (To Marty and Rowan) You're supposed to love each other…. (To the gathered community) You're supposed to love each other… because it makes sense…. Thanks be to God!