What If? Matthew 18:15-20 September 4, 2005, Year A, Proper 18 The Rev. William V. Livingston, Rector Church of the Resurrection, Starkville, Mississippi My last job as I was going through the discernment process for the priesthood was as the chief executive officer of a public mental health center in Abilene, TX, a job I had for just over four years. To say those four years were stressful would be an understatement. I followed the organization's first CEO who had held the job for over 20 years. The Board of Trustees had honored him two years earlier by naming one of the buildings after him, recognizing his years of leadership and growing the operation from a staff of 30 to a staff of 300. However, as I assumed my leadership role I learned the board had named the building after him as a way of retiring him with honor. When he did not step down, they implemented a systematic plan to force him to retire. The Board Chair far exceeded the normal duties of her position and purposefully made his life miserable. Recognizing his impending downfall, the senior management team ceased to cooperate with one another and developed their own power bases. In my first management team meeting the chief financial officer disrupted the meeting by threatening physical harm to the center's clinical director. My four years at Abilene were interesting times. Clearly the Board expected me to implement many needed staff and operational changes, which were accomplished, but not without excessive stress. The Board Chair had enjoyed the power she had taken on while forcing the former CEO into retirement, and she did not relinquish this power without direct confrontation with me and with other trustees. After calm was established and I had accomplished what the Board had recruited me to do, I began my ordination discernment process. After I had completed my discernment and applied to seminary, the first person I officially informed of my plans was Bob, the Vice-chair of the Board, who also served as the Chair of the Personnel Committee. Bob and I had become close friends during my tenure. Over a glass of wine at a local tavern, I shared with him my sense of calling. As an ordained Methodist minister with many years of congregational experience and currently teaching Bible and church history at McMurry University, Bob did not consider my plans for ordained ministry to be absurd (an opinion later held by many trustees, staff and colleagues). As we ended our conversation, had walked to our cars and were about to part, Bob, while shaking my hand a pensive look and said, "Bill, I'd be foolish to think that these last four years haven't been difficult for you. You are about to make a profound step in your life and in the life of the Episcopal Church. Now, you'd be foolish to think that parish ministry won't be more difficult than these four years. You may well have folks who will seek to destroy you or their own parish. Those to whom you give the most of yourself in way of care and support may, without cause or warning, turn against you in the most destructive ways. This happens in churches because churches are made up of human beings as is every other institution, and human beings make mistakes and act in self-serving ways. The difference is that even in our failings, we are attempting to be what God wants us to be, and often that will be the only thing that makes your ministry worthwhile." He then challenged me to always let that awareness guide me in my ministry - and I have. This advice has guided me through some dark times. One of the ministries I sincerely enjoy and that I consider one of my gifts is offering spiritual direction. Both while at Christ Church and here at Resurrection, I have found I am sought as a spiritual director more by clergy (both Episcopal and non-Episcopal) than by laity. Most clergy initially seek such direction during a crisis in their ministries: when in conflict with their congregations, when feeling burned out or betrayed by those they serve, when the cost of being a pastor exceeds the rewards. Often during one of my sessions with such fellow clergy, I share with them Bob's parting wisdom. I share this history with you, not to bemoan the life of a priest, but to put it into the context of today's Gospel according to Matthew. Once again, Matthew offers us a contrast of how the kingdom of God operates and how the worldly kingdoms operate. This past week has clearly offered us similar contrasts. We have witnessed massive looting in New Orleans, but we have also witnessed massive outpouring of generosity and concern. We have witnessed lines at gasoline stations as folks feared they might not have gas for their recreational activities, and we have witnessed folks opening their homes and taking supplies to the refugee centers. In the Episcopal Church where we have our internal struggles, Presiding Bishop Griswold has invited Episcopalians throughout our country to pray for and send financial support to the affected areas, and during this past week special Eucharists and prayers have been offered throughout our country. Episcopal Relief and Development has sent and will send hundreds of thousands of dollars of aid to Mississippi and surrounding states. Today's Gospel text holds the contrasting kingdoms before us and asks, "What if?" What if we, as a parish, acknowledge that we, in our humanness, make mistakes and act in self-serving ways, but also to hold ever before us the desire to seek to be what God calls us to be? What if each of us, individually and corporately, sought to make the Church of the Resurrection one of the few places - if not the only place - in which rather than seeking to win or getting our way, we seek reconciliation; where we don't assume our way is the best - or the only - way but where we seek to discern the Holy Spirit's guidance? What if when another church member offends you, rather than not attending church, you talk with the other church member - with both listening? What if, when as your rector and doing something or not doing something, I fail to live up to your expectation rather than telling others about it, you talk with me so together we can be reconciled and make Resurrection be what God wants it to be? What if when our parish, Diocese or national church fails to fulfill your expectations, rather than withholding your pledge or condemning those who think differently, you seek to learn the views of others and together seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit? What if when you think our parish is somehow not being the church you think it should be, rather than restricting how your pledge can be used, you gave back to God in thanksgiving for the blessings God has given you and, with no strings attached, invested your time, talents and financial support in making this parish be what God calls it to be? What if rather than passing on false rumors someone has passed on to you about the cost of the recent Diocese tent meeting and how it was paid for, you invested your time, your prayers, and your financial support in helping this Diocese live into the vision of being one Church in mission, inviting, transforming, reconciling? What if rather than sitting back, not participating, and making critical comments to those who might agree with you about how this parish operates or changes which may result from our upcoming parish discernment process, you participate fully in the discernment process, offering your suggestions as to how we might best be the parish God calls us to be, and then investing your time, talents and financial support in creating such a parish? What if we assisted fellow parishioners and other parishes of our Diocese as we did this past week following Katrina's devastation, but we did so not only in times of disaster, but we always treated each other in such loving and supportive ways? What if rather than focusing on our differences we focused on where we clearly agree God calls us to be and allow God to bless it? What if when someone is truly harming themselves or others rather than saying to two or three friends, "Do you know what that stupid jerk did?" you go to that stupid jerk and say, "Can we talk?" What if you were to go in the same manner in which a confrontation session is offered to an alcoholic in which the spouse, parents, children, siblings, employer, priest, and others who love this person meet with the alcoholic, not to condemn them but to say, "We hurt seeing what you are doing to yourself. We love you and want to help you but will not help you harm yourself nor allow you to harm us." The God who creates all that is, is a God who is always building up and restoring. What if we, as God's church, rather than allowing ourselves to tear down or destroy we were always guided by what builds up and restores? Today's Gospel immediately follows the parable about the shepherd leaving the 99 to go looking for the lost sheep. What if rather than rejoicing that someone who is different from you is no longer attending church, you called that person and told them you missed them? Who have you not seen at Resurrection lately, who needs you to call to let them know they're missed? What if you did so? What if each of us realized the church to which Matthew referred to is us and realized only that which we support with our time, talents and financial support can happen if we make it happen? The kingdom offered before us is often contrary to how we would do things and how the world operates. It is often difficult, in our humanness, to live into the Gospel, but what if we allowed the Gospel we hear on Sunday to change how we think, speak and act - to change who we are - every other day of the week? What if we, each of us personally and corporately, could commit to recognizing our human failings and then truly invest all that we have and are in to being the parish God wants us to be? The Holy Spirit who called me to leave my previous profession and to enter the priesthood, the One who has shown me that nothing is unredeemable, this same One invites me into sure and certain hope that it can be more than "what ifs". Dare you hope with me?